Child Therapist Camp Lejeune NC

Disciplining your kids is never a fun task, but one that every parent will have to do at one time or another in their lives. Make sure you're disciplining your children in a healthy way, so that they will grow into well-adjusted adults.

Michael Howard
(910) 388-7520
Jacksonville, NC
Practice Areas
Addictions and Dependency, Clinical Mental Health, Counselor Education, Couples & Family, Supervision
Certifications
Master Addictions Counselor, Certified Clinical Mental Health Counselor, National Certified Counselor

Enon Chapel Baptist Church
(910) 353-5403
2854 Piney Green Rd
Camp Lejeune, NC
 
Wolfe'S Individual Marriage & Family Therapy
(910) 347-4887
College Sq Ofc Mall
Jacksonville, NC
 
Carroll Doreen
(910) 347-9855
200 Valencia Dr Ste 161
Jacksonville, NC
 
Hardison, Jameszetta - Carolina Psychological Health
(910) 347-3010
1703 Country Club Rd Ste 204
Jacksonville, NC

Data Provided by:
Jeff Flowers
(910) 353-8255
Jacksonville, NC
Practice Areas
Childhood & Adolescence, Couples & Family, Sexual Abuse Recovery, Depression/Grief/Chronically or Terminally Ill, Disaster Counseling
Certifications
National Certified Counselor

Brynn Marr Hospital
(910) 577-1400
192 Village Dr
Camp Lejeune, NC
 
Ball Edwin Msw Lcsw
(910) 989-2800
2444 Commerce Rd
Jacksonville, NC
 
Brynn Marr Behavioral Healthcare System
(910) 577-1900
192 Village Dr
Camp Lejeune, NC
 
Carolina Psychological Health Services
(910) 347-3010
1703 Country Club Rd Ste 204
Jacksonville, NC
 
Data Provided by:

Child Therapist

Discipline for Broken Things

~Discipline for Broken Things^

Written by the dads @ fathers.com

ImageAccidents happen. But who pays for the broken stereo? There are many tough questions for parents to wrestle with.

Jerry and his wife left their normally responsible 10- and 11-year-old home alone for about an hour. But this time, the kids started roughhousing and ended up breaking an expensive piece of stereo equipment that would cost hundreds of dollars to fix.

Jerry and his wife reacted by taking away all the kids’ privileges, then told them they’d pray and think about it some more. That’s when Jerry wrote to us.

Jerry and his wife did something commendable: It’s okay to tell the kids you need more time to think and pray about something.

Now, every dad and mom know their own kids the best, so the best solution is to work together as a couple. These are general principles.

For starters, discipline works best as teaching rather than punishment. That’s difficult when a child has broken something, but taking away all privileges seems to lean more toward punishment then teaching. Ask yourself: what is my child learning through my response?

Remember: accidents happen. Sometimes they cost a few dollars, and sometimes a few thousand. But they’re still accidents. That doesn’t mean you let the kids off the hook, but consider responding with some negative consequences and also some positive learning experiences. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Accepting Your Child's Mistakes^

Written by Mark Brandenburg

Date Posted: Thursday, 26 April 2007

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children’s mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don’t find too many mistake-free periods of their children’s lives.

ImageLet’s be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren’t too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say, ”I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!” Kids don’t enjoy or want to make mistakes, it’s just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; it’s just that they are doing their best considering the resources that they have at the time. Sometimes they’re tired, sometimes they’re easily distracted, and sometimes they’re strong-willed, but they generally do the best that they can. It’s very easy for us to judge them according to standards of what they’ve done before.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ... or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Research on Spanking^

Written by Ken Canfield

Recent research goes against many of the current views warning against spanking our kids.

Diana Baumrind, an influential figure in the psychology of parenting, followed children starting in preschool up through their twenties. She found that, overwhelmingly, occasional or even frequent swats used in discipline did not cause major adjustment problems for those children. Though she doesn’t advocate spanking, she recognizes that the evidence is clear.

ImageMany parents will feel vindicated by this. But please don’t see this as permission to start hitting your kids as you please.

We need to remember that discipline is ultimately about teaching the child—not winning an argument or proving a point. And let’s take into account the reasons why so many experts do not advocate spanking: it’s easy to go too far, or discipline out of anger or on impulse. In those cases, spanking really does more harm than good.

A sensible approach takes into account the child’s individuality. Whatever method of correction we use, we should do it because it’s the best way of teaching that child to be responsible. In many situations, spanking isn’t the best approach. And even when we believe it is, it’s only part of the process. There needs to be a time of talking and listening and healing the relationship with the child. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Discipline & Self-Esteem^

Written by Ken Canfield

Beginning in the early 1980s, child development specialists encouraged parents to build their children’s self-esteem by giving them lavish amounts of praise. The only problem, writes Sharon Jayson in a 2005 USA Today article, is that “life will burst your self-esteem bubble.” Jayson reports that the self-esteem movement created an environment that protected children from failure, consequently keeping them from learning some very basic life skills and lessons essential to their development.

ImageTwenty-five years ago, Sam Mehaffie began an organization called Saving Our Boys as an outreach to unfathered young men. Having successfully reared two children, he and his wife began inviting at-risk boys to come and live in their home, believing they could make a difference by modeling character and life skills.

David is one young man who moved into the Mehaffie household four years ago. He flourished under the Mehaffie’s care, but then this past year he began to test (and often break) the family rules. Sam recognized that David, who had been abandoned, was working with a fragile self-esteem. Nevertheless, Sam warned him that he couldn’t stay there if he continued to break the family rules.

David continued to push the limits and Sam did ask him to leave. Four days later, David returned, tearfully asking if he could come back home. He renounced his rebellious way of life and learned to appreciate the family rules. Though Sam had filled the void in David’s life with love, he also brought expectations and consequences that have helped get David on the right track. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Discipline: Do you have a plan?^

Written by the dads @ fathers.com

Date Posted: Friday, 14 November 2008

Correcting and disciplining children will always be challenging for fathers. In today's busy times and with so many outside forces competing for our children's attention and allegiance, training our kids has never been more important.

ImageIn the moment, we want them to obey us, stop fighting with each other or avoid destroying property. But we know discipline has a bigger purpose: we want our children to end up as responsible, caring adults who are prepared to thrive in the world.

Here at the Center, we have some helpful resources on discipline , and you’d be wise to do some research and figure out what works best for your family. According to author and speaker Dr. Bob Barnes , that really is one of the most critical action point when it comes to discipline: have a plan. Your children’s future (and their children’s future) is at stake. Fail to plan, plan to fail. You can’t afford to father by the seat of your pants ... so to speak.

Why is a plan so important? Because it sets clear boundaries and expectations for your children: “When you do this, this is the consequence.” And as a father, when your plan is fully developed, no situation will catch you (or your child) by surprise. You won’t find yourself negotiating with your child or trying to think of appropriate consequences; the plan is in place. Furthermore, you can relate to your child with empathy instead of anger, since the plan is what is making his life difficult, not you.

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Train Up Your Children^

Written by Ken Canfield

Date Posted: Thursday, 26 April 2007

A popular child-rearing proverb teaches fathers: “Train up your children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not turn from it.” This proverb, well-known in faith communities, provides a mixture of comfort and concern for dads.

ImageFirst, in a complex and changing culture, it is comforting to have hope for a struggling child during times of rebellion or confusion. Conversely, dads who have not trained their child in the early years of life have anxiety and guilt over lost opportunities. In both cases, the faith of a father is put to the test.

Additional background of the above proverb’s original meaning illuminates its use and application for today’s fathers. The verbal imperative “train” has other usages in the Hebrew Bible, or Old Testament. It occurs in reference to dedicating a new house or Solomon’s temple for sacred use.

The word “child” refers to a status rather than a chronological age. It’s various translations include infant, young man, and a cadet who is preparing for military service.

The phrase “in the way he should go” is best understood in a broad, general sense. It means “in the right way,” where character and perseverance are more important than a particular vocation or desire.

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

Accepting Your Child's Mistakes

~Discipline for Broken Things^

Written by the dads @ fathers.com

ImageAccidents happen. But who pays for the broken stereo? There are many tough questions for parents to wrestle with.

Jerry and his wife left their normally responsible 10- and 11-year-old home alone for about an hour. But this time, the kids started roughhousing and ended up breaking an expensive piece of stereo equipment that would cost hundreds of dollars to fix.

Jerry and his wife reacted by taking away all the kids’ privileges, then told them they’d pray and think about it some more. That’s when Jerry wrote to us.

Jerry and his wife did something commendable: It’s okay to tell the kids you need more time to think and pray about something.

Now, every dad and mom know their own kids the best, so the best solution is to work together as a couple. These are general principles.

For starters, discipline works best as teaching rather than punishment. That’s difficult when a child has broken something, but taking away all privileges seems to lean more toward punishment then teaching. Ask yourself: what is my child learning through my response?

Remember: accidents happen. Sometimes they cost a few dollars, and sometimes a few thousand. But they’re still accidents. That doesn’t mean you let the kids off the hook, but consider responding with some negative consequences and also some positive learning experiences. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Accepting Your Child's Mistakes^

Written by Mark Brandenburg

Date Posted: Thursday, 26 April 2007

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children’s mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don’t find too many mistake-free periods of their children’s lives.

ImageLet’s be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren’t too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say, ”I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!” Kids don’t enjoy or want to make mistakes, it’s just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; it’s just that they are doing their best considering the resources that they have at the time. Sometimes they’re tired, sometimes they’re easily distracted, and sometimes they’re strong-willed, but they generally do the best that they can. It’s very easy for us to judge them according to standards of what they’ve done before.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ... or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Research on Spanking^

Written by Ken Canfield

Recent research goes against many of the current views warning against spanking our kids.

Diana Baumrind, an influential figure in the psychology of parenting, followed children starting in preschool up through their twenties. She found that, overwhelmingly, occasional or even frequent swats used in discipline did not cause major adjustment problems for those children. Though she doesn’t advocate spanking, she recognizes that the evidence is clear.

ImageMany parents will feel vindicated by this. But please don’t see this as permission to start hitting your kids as you please.

We need to remember that discipline is ultimately about teaching the child—not winning an argument or proving a point. And let’s take into account the reasons why so many experts do not advocate spanking: it’s easy to go too far, or discipline out of anger or on impulse. In those cases, spanking really does more harm than good.

A sensible approach takes into account the child’s individuality. Whatever method of correction we use, we should do it because it’s the best way of teaching that child to be responsible. In many situations, spanking isn’t the best approach. And even when we believe it is, it’s only part of the process. There needs to be a time of talking and listening and healing the relationship with the child. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Discipline & Self-Esteem^

Written by Ken Canfield

Beginning in the early 1980s, child development specialists encouraged parents to build their children’s self-esteem by giving them lavish amounts of praise. The only problem, writes Sharon Jayson in a 2005 USA Today article, is that “life will burst your self-esteem bubble.” Jayson reports that the self-esteem movement created an environment that protected children from failure, consequently keeping them from learning some very basic life skills and lessons essential to their development.

ImageTwenty-five years ago, Sam Mehaffie began an organization called Saving Our Boys as an outreach to unfathered young men. Having successfully reared two children, he and his wife began inviting at-risk boys to come and live in their home, believing they could make a difference by modeling character and life skills.

David is one young man who moved into the Mehaffie household four years ago. He flourished under the Mehaffie’s care, but then this past year he began to test (and often break) the family rules. Sam recognized that David, who had been abandoned, was working with a fragile self-esteem. Nevertheless, Sam warned him that he couldn’t stay there if he continued to break the family rules.

David continued to push the limits and Sam did ask him to leave. Four days later, David returned, tearfully asking if he could come back home. He renounced his rebellious way of life and learned to appreciate the family rules. Though Sam had filled the void in David’s life with love, he also brought expectations and consequences that have helped get David on the right track. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Discipline: Do you have a plan?^

Written by the dads @ fathers.com

Date Posted: Friday, 14 November 2008

Correcting and disciplining children will always be challenging for fathers. In today's busy times and with so many outside forces competing for our children's attention and allegiance, training our kids has never been more important.

ImageIn the moment, we want them to obey us, stop fighting with each other or avoid destroying property. But we know discipline has a bigger purpose: we want our children to end up as responsible, caring adults who are prepared to thrive in the world.

Here at the Center, we have some helpful resources on discipline , and you’d be wise to do some research and figure out what works best for your family. According to author and speaker Dr. Bob Barnes , that really is one of the most critical action point when it comes to discipline: have a plan. Your children’s future (and their children’s future) is at stake. Fail to plan, plan to fail. You can’t afford to father by the seat of your pants ... so to speak.

Why is a plan so important? Because it sets clear boundaries and expectations for your children: “When you do this, this is the consequence.” And as a father, when your plan is fully developed, no situation will catch you (or your child) by surprise. You won’t find yourself negotiating with your child or trying to think of appropriate consequences; the plan is in place. Furthermore, you can relate to your child with empathy instead of anger, since the plan is what is making his life difficult, not you.

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Train Up Your Children^

Written by Ken Canfield

Date Posted: Thursday, 26 April 2007

A popular child-rearing proverb teaches fathers: “Train up your children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not turn from it.” This proverb, well-known in faith communities, provides a mixture of comfort and concern for dads.

ImageFirst, in a complex and changing culture, it is comforting to have hope for a struggling child during times of rebellion or confusion. Conversely, dads who have not trained their child in the early years of life have anxiety and guilt over lost opportunities. In both cases, the faith of a father is put to the test.

Additional background of the above proverb’s original meaning illuminates its use and application for today’s fathers. The verbal imperative “train” has other usages in the Hebrew Bible, or Old Testament. It occurs in reference to dedicating a new house or Solomon’s temple for sacred use.

The word “child” refers to a status rather than a chronological age. It’s various translations include infant, young man, and a cadet who is preparing for military service.

The phrase “in the way he should go” is best understood in a broad, general sense. It means “in the right way,” where character and perseverance are more important than a particular vocation or desire.

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

Research on Spanking

~Discipline for Broken Things^

Written by the dads @ fathers.com

ImageAccidents happen. But who pays for the broken stereo? There are many tough questions for parents to wrestle with.

Jerry and his wife left their normally responsible 10- and 11-year-old home alone for about an hour. But this time, the kids started roughhousing and ended up breaking an expensive piece of stereo equipment that would cost hundreds of dollars to fix.

Jerry and his wife reacted by taking away all the kids’ privileges, then told them they’d pray and think about it some more. That’s when Jerry wrote to us.

Jerry and his wife did something commendable: It’s okay to tell the kids you need more time to think and pray about something.

Now, every dad and mom know their own kids the best, so the best solution is to work together as a couple. These are general principles.

For starters, discipline works best as teaching rather than punishment. That’s difficult when a child has broken something, but taking away all privileges seems to lean more toward punishment then teaching. Ask yourself: what is my child learning through my response?

Remember: accidents happen. Sometimes they cost a few dollars, and sometimes a few thousand. But they’re still accidents. That doesn’t mean you let the kids off the hook, but consider responding with some negative consequences and also some positive learning experiences. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Accepting Your Child's Mistakes^

Written by Mark Brandenburg

Date Posted: Thursday, 26 April 2007

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children’s mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don’t find too many mistake-free periods of their children’s lives.

ImageLet’s be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren’t too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say, ”I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!” Kids don’t enjoy or want to make mistakes, it’s just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; it’s just that they are doing their best considering the resources that they have at the time. Sometimes they’re tired, sometimes they’re easily distracted, and sometimes they’re strong-willed, but they generally do the best that they can. It’s very easy for us to judge them according to standards of what they’ve done before.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ... or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Research on Spanking^

Written by Ken Canfield

Recent research goes against many of the current views warning against spanking our kids.

Diana Baumrind, an influential figure in the psychology of parenting, followed children starting in preschool up through their twenties. She found that, overwhelmingly, occasional or even frequent swats used in discipline did not cause major adjustment problems for those children. Though she doesn’t advocate spanking, she recognizes that the evidence is clear.

ImageMany parents will feel vindicated by this. But please don’t see this as permission to start hitting your kids as you please.

We need to remember that discipline is ultimately about teaching the child—not winning an argument or proving a point. And let’s take into account the reasons why so many experts do not advocate spanking: it’s easy to go too far, or discipline out of anger or on impulse. In those cases, spanking really does more harm than good.

A sensible approach takes into account the child’s individuality. Whatever method of correction we use, we should do it because it’s the best way of teaching that child to be responsible. In many situations, spanking isn’t the best approach. And even when we believe it is, it’s only part of the process. There needs to be a time of talking and listening and healing the relationship with the child. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Discipline & Self-Esteem^

Written by Ken Canfield

Beginning in the early 1980s, child development specialists encouraged parents to build their children’s self-esteem by giving them lavish amounts of praise. The only problem, writes Sharon Jayson in a 2005 USA Today article, is that “life will burst your self-esteem bubble.” Jayson reports that the self-esteem movement created an environment that protected children from failure, consequently keeping them from learning some very basic life skills and lessons essential to their development.

ImageTwenty-five years ago, Sam Mehaffie began an organization called Saving Our Boys as an outreach to unfathered young men. Having successfully reared two children, he and his wife began inviting at-risk boys to come and live in their home, believing they could make a difference by modeling character and life skills.

David is one young man who moved into the Mehaffie household four years ago. He flourished under the Mehaffie’s care, but then this past year he began to test (and often break) the family rules. Sam recognized that David, who had been abandoned, was working with a fragile self-esteem. Nevertheless, Sam warned him that he couldn’t stay there if he continued to break the family rules.

David continued to push the limits and Sam did ask him to leave. Four days later, David returned, tearfully asking if he could come back home. He renounced his rebellious way of life and learned to appreciate the family rules. Though Sam had filled the void in David’s life with love, he also brought expectations and consequences that have helped get David on the right track. ...

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Discipline: Do you have a plan?^

Written by the dads @ fathers.com

Date Posted: Friday, 14 November 2008

Correcting and disciplining children will always be challenging for fathers. In today's busy times and with so many outside forces competing for our children's attention and allegiance, training our kids has never been more important.

ImageIn the moment, we want them to obey us, stop fighting with each other or avoid destroying property. But we know discipline has a bigger purpose: we want our children to end up as responsible, caring adults who are prepared to thrive in the world.

Here at the Center, we have some helpful resources on discipline , and you’d be wise to do some research and figure out what works best for your family. According to author and speaker Dr. Bob Barnes , that really is one of the most critical action point when it comes to discipline: have a plan. Your children’s future (and their children’s future) is at stake. Fail to plan, plan to fail. You can’t afford to father by the seat of your pants ... so to speak.

Why is a plan so important? Because it sets clear boundaries and expectations for your children: “When you do this, this is the consequence.” And as a father, when your plan is fully developed, no situation will catch you (or your child) by surprise. You won’t find yourself negotiating with your child or trying to think of appropriate consequences; the plan is in place. Furthermore, you can relate to your child with empathy instead of anger, since the plan is what is making his life difficult, not you.

Click here to read more from Fathers.com

~Train Up Your Children^

Written by Ken Canfield

Date Posted: Thursday, 26 April 2007

A popular child-rearing proverb teaches fathers: “Train up your children in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not turn from it.” This proverb, well-known in faith communities, provides a mixture of comfort and concern for dads.

ImageFirst, in a complex and changing culture, it is comforting to have hope for a struggling child during times of rebellion or confusion. Conversely, dads who have not trained their child in the early years of life have anxiety and guilt over lost opportunities. In both cases, the faith of a father is put to the test.

Additional background of the above proverb’s original meaning illuminates its use and application for today’s fathers. The verbal imperative “train” has other usages in the Hebrew Bible, or Old Testament. It occurs in reference to dedicating a new house or Solomon’s temple for sacred use.

The word “child” refers to a status rather than a chronological age. It’s various translations include infant, young man, and a cadet who is preparing for military service.

The phrase “in the way he should go” is best understood in a broad, general sense. It means “in the right way,” where character and perseverance are more important than a particular vocation or desire.

Click here to read more from Fathers.com